Dirty Laundry

Lately I've had a bit of writer's block and my energy level has been funky.  I have found myself irritated and frustrated lately feeling like I need to let something out, but I just couldn't figure it out.

I got home from a long day of training people, and I hopped on facebook to unwind a bit and this song was posted by one of my friends;

 

 

 



After listening to this song, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I need to air my dirty laundry.  I have decided to let 'em hang, and air out my dirty laundry.  Who knows, maybe this will empower another woman to get out of a bad situation.

I was married once.  I don't speak of it much, because I don't like pity and I hate it when people apologize about one of the best decisions I ever made.  Divorce. There has never been a moment that I felt regret for walking out the door.

Here's my love story.

Boy and girl meet.  Boy swoons girl.  Boy and girl fall in love.  The two of them get married.

Two weeks after graduating from college, I packed my backs and moved to Virginia Beach, Virginia to marry the man of my dreams.  I mean, what else does a girl do after college?  Get married of course! 

So, two weeks into our marital bliss our marriage took a sharp right turn.  Who am I kidding, it took a complete 180!  All of the sudden the man I loved took his mask off, and the drama story began.

It started with verbally demeaning me.  He would say condescending things like "you don't know how to do anything right" or "Let me do it, because you can't" or "why are you wearing that? You look bad" or "you make me sick." 

My initial reaction was shock and hurt.  I couldn't believe this man that I gave my life and devotion to was saying such mean things to me.  I would try to shake it off and fool myself by thinking, "this is how all marriages start.  First they are rocky, but then it gets better." 

Next, was the lies, late nights out drinking and spending money frivolously, and don't forget the numbers I found his pockets and receipts from strip clubs. 

Believe me, I wasn't shy to confront him and speak my mind.  This led to more of the same behavior by him.  In fact, the drama started to escalate more and more each time I confronted him.  The first time, he ignored me.  The next time, he shoved me.  The next time, he shoved me harder.  The next time, he punched me.  Once, I had to walk home in the middle of the night, because he drove off and left me while we were out. 

I have never cried so much in my entire life.  In fact, he would deliberately say hurtful things to me to get an emotional response out of me and then laugh at me as the tears fell from my eyes.  He would corner me and tease me in the process. 

Looking back, it was verbal and emotional abuse (mixed in with a hint of physical abuse) but when you're caught in a whirl wind of what you think is love...you lie to yourself.  You trick yourself into thinking that all marriages have trials and tribulations (which they do to some degree) and that to experience joy and happiness, you must endure humiliating pain.

Trust me, don't believe that bullshit.  Love doesn't hurt.  If it does, it's not love.

To get back to the story, I was certain that he was cheating on me.  I had no proof, but I was certain.  It's just one of those instincts that you get.  It's hard to explain.  You just know.  The problem was, I had no proof...just an instinct.  Until one day the truth was revealed and my instincts were right.  At that time, he guarded his phone like it was a safe full of gold.  I took notice.

I will never forget the darkest night of my life.  I had finally found great friends that I worked with and we decided to have a girls night out.  He was not happy with this, and when I returned home I was locked out of the bedroom.  He had bolted the door shut, and that's where it all began.

After pounding on the door for minutes, he finally opened the door.  We argued a bit, but he laid back down.  As he turned his head, I grabbed his phone and decided to get to the bottom of what my gut was telling me.  I just needed to prove what I already knew...he was cheating.

My instincts were right!  He had pictures of this girl on his phone.  Not just any kind of pictures, but the kind that a wife does not want to see on her husband's phone.  What made it worse was that he sent pictures to his brother bragging about his mistress.  True story. 

What happened next is a blur.  I was filled with unspeakable pain, disgust, and rage, and I confronted him head on.  The confrontation led to an argument.  The argument led to a shoving match.  The shoving match led to me swinging a lamp, him pushing me through the wall, and me getting a black eye.  The only thing that I'm proud of from that night is the left hook that broke his nose.

Once the fight ended, I looked him dead in the eye and said, "we're done."

I left the next morning, and I never looked back.

I will never forget the people that helped me through that rough patch...and it was rough.  I am forever grateful for my family, Jody, Sara, Eddie, Jenna and my best friend Adriana.  They kept me sane.  I love them. 

I didn't share my story to tell you how bad I've had it.  Hell, my story is lame compared to what other women have suffered through in their lives. I just wanted to make it clear that although problems arise in our lives, things get better.

I shared because I want people to understand that drama and trauma can only have power over you if you allow it to.  Pain does not always last.  The darkest of night is just before the dawn.  Just when we think we can't take the rain anymore...the sun will starts to shine.   

Being a MissFit isn't just about being physically strong.  It's about having a strong mentality as well.  Strong is a choice.  You can either let life knock you down, leaving you bumped and bruised OR you can stand up for yourself and decide that enough is enough and fight back. 

We are here to be happy. We are here to do things that bring us joy.  We are here to be victorious.  We are here to give love and receive love.  We are not here to be miserable.  We are not here to feel bad about ourselves.  We were not created to live in defeat.  We were certainly not put here to hold on to our dirty laundry.  Sometimes you have to let go and air that shit out!

I needed to hear that song tonight.  I needed to let that out.  Thanks Kelly Rowland!



*Side note:  This is not intended to bash men.  I love and respect men.